Exploring the Connection Between Life Energy Radiators and Drains

Hey friend!

2026 is here. A new year can bring welcoming energy for a fresh start. Sometimes we unknowingly pressure ourselves to reinvent ourselves or get better, which actually dampens our energy and replaces it with anxiety. I felt myself relax when I heard Sam Yo, Buddhist monk turned Peloton instructor, offer this:

In the monastery, there wasn't reinvention. There was just returning again and again to what was already there. Growth doesn't start with becoming someone new. It starts with caring for who you already are. This year, don't ask, 'What should I fix?' Ask, 'What is kindness?' You don't need a new self. You need a gentler relationship with the self you already have.

Reflecting back, I started 2025 with high aspirations to write. I joined a writing group and journaled most days. But somehow, the notion of "becoming a writer" either put subconscious pressure on me to do something that didn't come easily or simply took a back seat to other things that mattered more to me because, despite my declaration, I didn't do much writing.

However, in the vein of what Sam Yo offers, I recognize I was kind to myself. I didn't berate myself for not writing when I set daily intentions to do so. Rather, I was gentle with myself and prioritized nervous system regulation over everything else. As high achievers know, nervous system dysregulation is often a default setting and for me, it had been my baseline state for, maybe, 45 years?

Instead, I embodied Reese Witherspoon' grandmother's advice (which I'm paraphrasing):  In life, there are radiators and drains. Radiators are warm and make you want to snuggle up to them and spend more time with them, while drains suck the life out of you.

Radiators and drains can be people or activities, anything that affects life energy. For me, paying attention to what gave me life energy and what depleted it worked better than thinking about my nervous system directly. When I tuned into who/what energized me and who/what exhausted me, the needed actions became explicit. Taking care of others is less of a

necessity now that my kids are adults and

work is less demanding, but I noticed I was still continuing to assume responsibility for people and things that weren't mine to carry.

Taking action caused some pain in the short-term; guilt plagued me and shamed me for leaving behind people and activities that depleted me. Connection is one of my deepest values. Am I an abandoner? A liar? The emotional hangover weighed heavy. But interestingly, it didn't last very long. Marie-Kondo-ing my life, putting everything into an imaginary sieve and seeing what remained after the 'drains' filtered through, freed up so much energy and space, I felt lighter, more creative, and free. I also didn't feel a need to fill the space with new people or activities. The newfound energy, joy and playfulness were gift enough. My brain was no longer running the show. My body's intelligence assured me I was doing the right thing.

How do you want to use your life energy this year and beyond? How can you return to yourself and be kind?

I see you over there trying to do all the things with a good attitude and a smile. Your newfound energy in 2026 may carry you through. If not, I'm walking right beside you, and I've got some great ideas. 

Take a look at what I'm up to, and see if something strikes a chord or meets a need you have at this time.

Extra treats for you if you refer a friend!

As always, I'm sending sustainable well-being to you and yours!

Tracey

Mental Health Coach for High Achievers of All Ages

Expressive Writing Facilitator

Radiologist