People talk about desires, wants, and values. Where do needs fit in? How do you know what your needs are?
As an unhappy physician, I had no idea what my unmet needs were. So, as I always do, I got to work to figure it out.
Maslow’s hierarchy breaks down needs into:
💚Basic needs: physiological (food, water, warmth, rest) & physical safety
💚Psychological needs: belonging & love (intimate relationships & friends) & esteem needs (feeling of accomplishment)
💚Self-fulfillment needs: achieving one’s full potential, including creative activities
What needs of yours are met? Which ones aren’t?
In Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication (NVC) framework, some basic needs we have are:
💚Autonomy (being in charge of your own life)
💚Celebration
💚Integrity
💚Interdependence
💚Physical Nurturing
💚Play
💚Spiritual Communion
NVC goes on to say that our feelings can be indicators of whether or not our needs are met:
💚Feelings when needs are fulfilled:
Amazed, comfortable, confident, energetic, hopeful, inspired, curious, joyous, optimistic, surprised, touched, trustful
💚Feelings when needs are NOT fulfilled:
Angry, annoyed, confused, disappointed, embarrassed, distressed, frustrated, helpless, hopeless, lonely, nervous, overwhelmed, sad, uncomfortable
Tony Robbins in Awaken the Giant Within describes needs as a constant striving to balance between these needs:
💚Need for certainty v. need for uncertainty/variety
💚Need to feel unique v. need to connect
💚Need to grow self v. need to impact world beyond self
If you can’t pinpoint what needs you have, I find it helpful to work backwards from your feelings (⬆️) and then explore these lists of needs to help figure out the issue that deserves more attention.
How can YOU meet these needs for YOU rather than waiting for someone or something else to meet them?
AND
How can you stop feeling shame or guilt around addressing your needs at all?
💚This stuff is my JAM. DM me if you’re clueless or curious to know more.💚
