Hey! A few weeks back I posted this graphic on social media stating “my top two values are integrity and freedom.”
Fast forward two weeks, and it turns out I absolutely value integrity and freedom but what I value MOST are authenticity and belonging.
Let me explain.
I had epiphany the other day when working with my own coach. I was sharing an experience of feeling left out in a group setting. I was deeply troubled, more than I felt I should’ve been. I told her, “It’s not meeting a need I have for connection. I feel like a bit of a third wheel. I don’t know what I’m needing so I don’t know what to ask for.”
And she said to me, “That tells me that you deeply value connection. That you want to stay meaningfully connected to yourself and your own needs AND that you want to stay meaningfully connected to others.”
And I was like: YES
That night, I awoke after midnight and felt like I’d been hit by a lightning bolt between the eyes. Suddenly, all the previous struggles I’d had in my life made sense to me because they all centered around either feeling a disconnect with my soul or not belonging in a situation/relationship/circumstance.
Since adopting the definition of authenticity as connection to the self, and belonging as connection to others, I can really attest that CONNECTION is what I value most. So, going forth, when I’m faced with any decision or conflict and I notice I’m feeling uncomfortable, I’ll ask myself if I’m feeling like something isn’t jelling with my soul or if I’m not feeling I can connect to another- and that’ll help guide me toward either:
1) deepening my efforts to make a connection to myself or with another
2) accepting the lack of connection and moving on toward something that feels better to me.
We must be accountable to ourselves for our own happiness. To do so, we need to know what matters most to us. What matters most is deeply personal and continually evolving. The insight and personal growth are worth the rumble with as we strive for clarity.
What helps light the way for you?