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Write Your Pain

I'd found my journal from 10 years prior & it scared the shit out of me:⁣

It seemed I’d been frozen in time as my inner thoughts & fears were on repeat, not changing one bit since they were first recorded. ⁣ ⁣I’ve written about this before but it bears repeating. It was much more enlightening telling my own self I needed to come up with a new plan than anyone else telling me to. ⁣ ⁣I’d been struggling with anxiety & depression for more than 10 years, all the while on meds & in therapy. I seemed put together on the outside but inside, I was a mess, struggling to pull off a double-identity. My calm, cool exterior hid the angst inside my body & mind. It was exhausting. ⁣ ⁣It’d all started in med school with the B- I got on the first test one month into training: that feeling of not being good enough. No matter what I did, what metrics I used to prove my self-worth, I never felt enough. I was scared all the time that I couldn’t handle adult life. How could I be a doctor & take care of others when my mind was constantly distracted by ruminations of self-doubt/self-loathing, rehashing of past mistakes (i.e. not meeting my own or other’s unrealistic expectations, wrong answers I’d given, reading a CT scan overnight on call & having my attending say, “Ummm- you didn’t say that, did you?”) How could I be a good spouse/mother to my 3 kids & still have a career, doing everything half-assed?⁣ ⁣That day I read my journal I realized I needed to reprogram my hard-drive. I couldn’t keep waiting for someone outside of myself to fix things. The train I was on was the WRONG TRAIN. ⁣ ⁣I wrote my way into this realization & I also wrote my way out. (Cue Hamilton!)⁣ ⁣Many people scoff at journaling. It’s too bad because ⁣ a) it’s free⁣

b) it’s available to anyone ⁣ c) it’s the best way to really get to know yourself ⁣ d) it helps you discover your true feelings ⁣ e) it helps you manifest the life you actually want⁣ ⁣Writing your thoughts out by hand accesses another part of your brain than talking, typing, or thinking. It accesses YOU. The real you. ⁣ ⁣Writing HEALS. ⁣

What’s been your best strategy to get unstuck? Have you tried journaling? Why or why not? Has it helped?

Show Up, Be Seen, Live Brave™ 💚tracey Tracey O'Connell, M.D. Physician - Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator Helping you FEEL...better, so you can feel better.

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