Feeling lost? It’s been a weird few weeks for many I know.
While on vacation, I found myself connecting with people I never expected to & simultaneously feeling disconnected from those I usually feel a strong connection with.
Maybe it’s a combination of delta cases surging & summer ending while desperately craving a return to whatever “normal” is?
For me, it’s been a time of confusion around my deep need for connection.
In typical “me” fashion, I’ve been doing lots of thinking.
Too much thinking.
My default behavior when things are chaotic or “off” is to spend a lot of time in my head analyzing & strategizing, trying desperately to return to what’s familiar & predictable as soon as possible.
It’s my lifelong Controller, promising she can fix everything & soothe me.
If you’re someone who also does this, then you already know it doesn’t work. Maybe you’ve also noticed that it annoys those around you since nobody likes to be controlled.
When I don’t feel connected to others, or I feel like I don’t belong, I’m triggered back into the belief that I’m not enough. That I’m not worthy of attention or love.
It may take me a little time to remember that I already know what that feeling signifies:
I don’t have meaningful connection to myself.
While I still head up into my thoughts initially when I notice this happening, or phone a friend for reassurance, I’m getting better at remembering the most potent cure:
I need to be alone.
Once alone, I do one of these 4 things, maybe several at once:
1. Go outside
2. Move my body
3. Write to myself longhand everything in my head until I’ve filled 3 notebook pages of paper
4. Listen to music, ideally songs I know all the words to so I can sing along
All these things connect me to my soul.
If you’re thinking, ‘That must be nice but I don’t have time for any of those’ maybe you would if you got out of your own head?
You have different needs & different “soulutions” that work for you. Prioritize whatever connects you to your soul.
Practice it. Make it a habit.
People & pandemics come & go, but your soul will never betray you.
Keep seeking within.